Trump Spoke to Me Last Night
How will our country treat a family like mine if Trump is elected?
I watched the debate last night after I told myself I wouldn’t. I couldn’t help it. I don’t regret watching, but it left me sad and empty, wondering what will happen to a family like mine if Trump is elected President?
I’ve always wanted children. If it was up to me, I’d have a huge herd. We have three, which my husband assures me is a very good number. Even though our children are still very young, we have a lot of experience. You see, we’ve lost a child, fostered children, adopted children and had a biological child.
Our family is made up of immigrants and naturally born citizens. We have friends and family who are Christian, Sikh, Buddhist, Mormon, Muslim, Atheist, and Agnostic, family and friends who are straight and gay. We believe we all have equal footing in this country. We have had the good fortune of traveling much of our world, visiting family and meeting friends from many countries – far removed from the United States. We are able to appreciate what every global citizen we’ve met has to offer.
But if Trump is elected, what will our country do with a family who loves like mine?
I’ve had a late term abortion. Although, if you are one of my pro-life friends who have also had one, you probably prefer to call it “a procedure” or “D&E” or “surgery”. Mine wasn’t at nine months pregnant either. I take exception to Mr. Trump’s statements last night. I had an abortion because it was my only best choice.
My son had a heart defect and a chromosomal abnormality so severe that we didn’t qualify for clinical trials and our only (unrealistic) chance for survival would be for an immediate heart transplant at birth – which of course would mean on the off chance he made it to term, some otherwise healthy child, who was a match to mine, would have to conveniently die. I was assured this was unrealistic and was only told this far fetched option because I insisted my child could survive – there had to be a way to fix him. My baby had no ability to pump his own blood throughout his body without my body doing it for him in utero. He was already struggling. He was sure to die. There was nothing I could do and no way I could have found out this devastating news earlier. My pregnancy was otherwise routine.
I wanted him more than anything else in the world. I was singularly focused on becoming a mother. My heart broke as I was manually dilated for an entire week in preparation to lose him. I was numb, weak, devastated, and hopeless. My child was not ripped from my body Mr. Trump. He was dying and there was nothing I could do but curb his suffering. I am not a cold unfeeling woman Mr. Trump. I do not deserve to be punished. I already have been.
Hearing you speak about abortion made me feel like you view me as a criminal. As if I’m not also a victim. A victim in my own body. Your view is seriously skewed Mr. Trump. It is egotistical and short sited. There is very clear evidence you do not care for anyone but yourself and can not possibly put yourself in anyone else’s shoes but your own.
I am a mother Mr. Trump! A mother that could not imagine a more awesome responsibility than raising children. I am a mother who wanted nothing else but to love my child. I am a mother who couldn’t imagine living a life without the son I thought I was going to have.
Even now, as I raise my three beautiful children, I mourn the loss of the son we never had. I wanted him. I ache for him. How dare you act like this is something other than a tragic, horrendous experience.
I love my children.
What will be done to a woman like me if Trump is elected president? Would he punish me further? Would he ignore that I wanted to be a mother more than anything else in the world? Ignore that I would have given up anything to fix my son, to make him whole. Would he deny the years of therapy that it took to mend my marriage and find some sort of acceptance from our loss? Would he make this story even more tragic than it already is? Should we be sure to shun a mother who did everything right? I planned ahead, I ate well, I went to every prenatal appointment and read child development books. I took this job seriously. How exactly should I be punished? Is mourning our loss every December 19th with grief and sadness not enough? Is living that loss every day not sufficient? A piece of my heart and a life that could not be will forever be missing from our family and our world.
What would President Trump suggest? Does Trump believe a mother should be ripped away from the children she is caring for if something happens to her or her unborn child in a later pregnancy? No one knows, because his words of hate end there. He has no plan, he will just let the dice fall and make criminals of mothers. He ends everything with “believe me” and “it’ll be great”.
If Trump is elected, what will happen to mothers like me?
My husband works hard. He has spent his career helping uninsured people, including our veterans, homeless families, refugees, and poor people trying to scrape by. He pays his taxes and believes in lending a hand to those in need. He loves this country. He is proud to be an American. He believes he is home. He waited in line, hired attorneys, paid his fees, filed the paperwork, and became a citizen. He did everything right. It took twelve years. But how do we prove we’re one of the “good ones” one of the “safe ones”. We’ve actually had a neighbor, who believes in racial profiling as Trump has suggested, question our patriotism because we don’t fly the American flag on our home. Most people on our street don’t fly the American flag – and yet, for a reason I can only assume, we are the ones questioned. You see, my husband is not white and he is an immigrant.
If Trump is elected President, what will that do to a family like mine?
I want to believe that it won’t happen. I want to believe that Trump won’t be elected President of this incredible country. I want to believe there are enough people out there that see how threatening Trump would be to our own people. Our own citizens. How much more discrimination will we face if egotistical people full of fear and hate are allowed to act on those feelings?
That is not the America I know. We are part of the fabric. We deserve to live in our country as equally as we live in our family, because the United States of America is our home too.
What will our country do with a family like mine if we elect Trump as our President?
This year, my husband will join me in voting for the President of United States of America. It will be the first time he has been given this honor in the 15 years I have known him. We both take this privilege seriously. We have been studying ballot initiatives, reading what the candidates are proposing and considering our choices carefully. While Hillary Clinton was certainly not our first choice when the primaries occurred, we will choose to protect our family, we will choose to protect our constitution, we will choose to protect our planet, we will choose to protect our right to love freely and we will choose to make our own healthcare decisions.
We’re with her.
Believe me.
Very courageous, Lizzy. Thank you.
Thank you Pat. I hope sharing this gives people something to think about … makes it more personal. I think it’s very easy to hate the idea of something, until it happens. I hope this reaches others who have experienced this type of loss and are able to feel some sense of community. It’s a heartbreaking and isolating chapter of life to live…
I for one, cannot imagine your beautiful family just the way you are! xo LIzzie, we miss you!
Thank yo Shelley!
I have been anticipating your next blog….boy it was worth the wait!
Your family embodies the good that more of us could personally strive for, and exemplifies true good will. Your writing has me smiling, worrying , laughing out loud, crying and cheering from one sentence to the next. Thank you Elizabeth. Janet
Thank you so much! I am so glad you enjoy reading what I have been sharing.
Liz…beautifully written
Thank you!
You are very brave Liz! And and amazing mother!
Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I read it with tears in my eyes. I really hope it gives people something to think about too!
Thank you for taking the time to read it. I too hope that people can at least appreciate my perspective.
Courageous and powerful. Thank you.