Autism Has Freed Me
Autism has freed me.
That’s a weird sentence, isn’t it?
There is nothing easy about Autism. And, an autism diagnosis is a real life change. It has dominated the way we approach life and the way we are raising our children.
Before we knew what was going on, epic meltdowns and high pitched screams confused us. I used to feel embarrassed in public when people would glance our way, my husband and I would argue about what form of discipline was appropriate and how we should move forward in creating teachable moments. We used to force social interaction and group activities because we thought it was part of learning how to get along with other kids and communicating with adults – you know, functioning in society. Before the autism diagnosis, we were frustrated as parents and with each other. We couldn’t understand what parenting step we were missing. We argued over what to ignore and what to address. Sometimes I felt judged and confused. I mean, why can’t I control my own child? Why can’t I teach proper behavior? Why are two of my three children getting it and I can’t get through to the third? It made me angry. Not just angry at myself, but at my child for what I thought might be a choice. I felt like somehow I was failing at parenting.
I can’t even imagine how my kid felt.
But now that the assessments are done, the diagnosis is confirmed, and services have been implemented, we have been freed. We know this isn’t some sort of choice. This is a disorder that we all need tools to navigate.
Our lives today don’t look like they did a year ago. We have checked out of most of our social engagements. I’m living with purpose and I’m thoughtful about what we get involved in. This has made us a stronger family. It’s made all my kids more responsible and responsive. And, it’s made us reassess what is important to us as a family. It has freed me from hosting every gathering under the sun. Freed me from judging (not that I was a big fan before, but now, I really belt out “let it go”). It has freed me of impromptu bbq’s and play dates and relationships that require maintenance.
Meltdowns and tantrums and rigidity are a difficult and frustrating part of the rest of our lives. I get that. I don’t think that all of a sudden we will have some magic solution to some of our challenges. This is a life process. But, being able to name it and use resources designed to help us address them has been so very liberating. We have had to adjust to our new life quickly and severely. We schedule EVERYTHING and plan way ahead. But, letting go of all the extra things I thought we should do and choosing instead to focus on our child and our family has freed us in an unexpected way. ABA and play therapy and OT and therapeutic tutoring and speech therapy, and schedules … so many schedules … has freed us. It has taught us valuable lessons and given us a stronger connection and deeper love for our family and our child.
It has freed our purpose, our outlook and our ability to communicate with each other. It has reminded me that my kids will only be little for a short time. And, it has made me take a step back and truly embrace the small successes. Don’t get me wrong, there is a team of people helping us. We rely on therapists, and teachers, and family, and friends to help us move forward.
But, instead of getting beaten down by autism, I feel empowered by it. Autism has given me the freedom to own a condition – to blame the disorder. To give my child an out for all the challenges we will face and allow for resources and tools and therapists to intervene and teach us all how to be the best we are going to be.
Because of that, I feel free. And that gives me hope.
Beautiful!
Uplifting and inspiring. Thank you
Dear Liz, having observed your efforts and challenges I get it. Your son is making progress and will continue to have his challenges. YOU have given him hope. Your boundless love and efforts on his behalf are what will make all the difference. Deep down I know he feels your love and he will better for it. Continue to be his rock and his number 1 fan and he will grow into a young man of which we can all be proud! Papi xoxo